R.eal A.nd P.ersonal
So Your Favorite Rapper Is Hulk Hogan, Huh?
By: Deshair Foskey
Last updated July 27th , 2010

You looked up to him all your life. You wanted to grow up and be just like him. You walked, talked and mimicked his gestures. You believed in this man more than you believed in your parents; more than you believed in a higher power. He was your role model. He was your favorite rapper, the highest title, numero uno. 

Your passion for your favorite rapper was nothing less of bromance. You owned all his mixtapes, recited every lyric down to the drawl in his voice and no conversation was complete without you bragging about him. Your favorite rapper was larger than life itself. Until the day when your world came crashing down.

Who knew your favorite rapper graduated from college with a bachelor's degree in Psychology? Who knew your favorite rapper only was shot one time, and it was a flesh wound to the ass, not a bullet lodged in his wisdom tooth that changed his sound in the studio? Who knew your favorite rapper wasn't the kingpin ... he was nothing more than the guy with a clean record designated to take a "strike" for the men that really did the work? Who knew your favorite rapper got dumped on a Game show ... when he rhymes about all the control he has? Who knew your favorite rapper would represent his hometown only until Hollywood come calling; he became mute about your city?

Now, you're devastated. You're heartbroken. You loved Hulk Hogan. You listened to his message, and took your vitamins and said your prayers. You just didn't realize those vitamins were steroids, and you weren't praying to a higher power, you were praying to the Hulkster. Wait, the matches were choreographed too? You'll never watch wrestling again, right? Just like you'll never listen to Rap music again, right? Wrong!

You'll listen to rap music with a bitter effect in your ears. You'll question how you were deceived by a man that killed 557 people in his music but managed to dodge the feds. You'll question how you were deceived by a man that sold a boat load of drugs, brags about his astronomical net worth, yet wants to rap and make $23 for every $2000 in record sales. Your world came crashing down and now, you're in court, catching a charge; something that your favorite rapper hasn't done. What a role model he was!

Now you're doing time for a crime you had no reason to commit. You were better off believing in Hogan. So whatcha' gonna do, when you find out that your favorite rapper is smart enough, not to be as real as yooooooooooooou!

[Tags]